First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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