Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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