sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm always down for nudity.
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