um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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