Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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