well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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