i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
