omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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