I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
