I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Fuck appropriateness.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
