I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
