he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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