Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Randomize
