And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
