I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
