I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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