Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
