im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My penis needs a shock collar
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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