just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
