no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
is wine microwaveable?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
