whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
