I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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