Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
