I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
