puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
