I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
