I'm sorry my penis didn't work
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This baby is an asshole
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
