Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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