what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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