respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
