For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
