just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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