I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
