People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
