This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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