I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
