I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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