So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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