both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
