You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
