I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
