5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
