Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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