im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
