This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
