Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
