So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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