You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
