First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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