He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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