i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
