I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
