i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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